In The Beginning...

I was born in a small town in rural Indiana and grew up in a non-denominational Christian church just down the street from our house. It wasn't horrid, I have no particularly bad memories of this church or the teachings there. There was no abuse, snake handling or any other bizarre and psychologically damaging treatment. In fact I have many happy memories of Fifth Sunday pitch-in dinners after church, playing with my friends on the playground outside the church building, making crafts, singing silly songs meant to subtly teach the Dogma, inviting friends to VBS and being enveloped in love by the youth leaders. (No that wasn't a double entendre, the youth leaders I had as a child were dedicated and warm individuals) However even as a small child I noticed inconsistencies in the bible stories. Glaring holes in logic and things that just didn't make sense. One event in particular comes to mind and I was approximately 5 years old at the time (give or take a few months). My Sunday School teacher was telling us about Adam and Eve, their descendants and the like. You know the Genesis story as told in the Bible I'm sure. I asked her to explain how the world was populated if Adam and Eve were the only two original people. I understood that they had many children and all but didn't their children have to get married and have children together? Even to my young mind I saw the fallacy here. Her response may be responsible for a lifetime of frustration when given a "Just Because" answer. She said "Well God just made it o.k. that one time" Yes I'm sure she wasn't prepared that day for such a deep question from a 5 year old in Sunday School. But I'm 38 now and no one has ever been able to give me a better answer since then. I have done quite a bit of study in the Christian mythology and I can honestly say that I'm just no longer o.k. with all the "Because I Said So" responses to so many questions. I'm not o.k. with the isolation of scripture, taking it completely out of context and manipulating the words meaning until it fits an individuals own agenda. I'm not o.k. with saying that the Old Testament is no longer the basis of Christian Dogma and "law" since Jesus came and changed everything EXCEPT for the scriptures that condemn what we are currently just not comfortable with in our own lives. I'm not O.K. with Christianity taking away my own personal power and ability by saying that I'm nothing without Jesus. These personal revelations sent me searching a few times in my life. What I found myself drawn to on these occasions has had different names but was leading me toward my own personal truth every time. Whether I called it "New Age" or "Wicca", "Spirituality" or whatever term was popular at the time my heart and deepest recesses of my mind and soul new what I needed. I required a deep, personal and resonating way of life. I didn't need Dogma that kept me down and obedient to a bunch of man-made rules. I needed to let my spirit fly and come into its own truths and power. I needed to realize my own abilities and nurture them. The answers came to me. My path has been realized and at this point in my life I am finally capable of standing on my own, stating who and what I am with no fear of recrimination or shame. Sure there's plenty of judgement and sometimes downright hostility from relationship cultivated during my Christian life phases. However my own personal fulfillment is worth more to me at this point and I will no longer allow that judgement to hold me back. I am who I am and who I was created to be. Finally.